Marie Taylor Online

I hope you find Something in my writing to inspire you to think today !

I started this blog to write about the strands of my work; Coaching (career, business and life), Facilitation, Management Development, Organisational Development and Mediation. I also write some random thoughts about life experiences. Individuals interested in having a balanced life will want to explore Career and a Life where those of you who want to manage your career rather than have it manage you can find my affordable ecourse Get Your Career in Gear. There are also lots of FREE resources there too. Those professional women who are looking for very tailored coaching support and opportunties to explore life issues individually and in groups will find FREE samples of our book at Living Right Now.  Organisations interested in my consultancy offerings through Coaching, Training, Mediation and Facilitation will find lots of lightbulbs at  Marie Taylor Consulting.

I have learnt most when I have had my thinking challenged in some way. I hope this blog supports your development too. Learn and see the fun.

Marie x

Have you learnt to trust your gut?

Not in the bacterial flora kind of way but in a intuitive sense? I'm having a bit of a tuning in week this week. It all started when I contacted Lynn Robinson  in Boston.

She's an intuitive coach. Those of you who know me well know that I do a bit of "tuning in" myself.

Lynn has a book  out called "trust your gut" and I know that when I don't listen to mine I am not well served by the universe do you? |She talks about using intuition in recruitment and I know what she means- I have this little saying when I work with consulting clients on senior staff recruitment - "if in doubt, do without" .

Now before my lovely HR colleagues start writing in, I know that in order to guard and guide against potential inequality employers need to justify their gut.There are some recruiters that I have sat with for hours challenging their gut reactions because their response is really prejudice and lazy recruitment. They would rather just have "more of the same" because in their eyes "it's easier". I'm not talking about those. 

There is a place where a candidate just doesnt seem right. Where their experience, their qualifications, their sense of self, and sometimes what they promise, just doesn't resonate with the person in front of you. It's incongruent and you just can't put your finger on why that is. I've experienced this in business relationships too- where the person sitting in front of you seems somehow disingenious or incongruent but the words they say and the promises they make feel tempting or the words they say are the right words to buy you in and gain a commitment.I know that in both of these situations, if I stop and think (or feel) for long enough, the reason, the evidence (if it's needed)) will be there and yet, over the years, I have failed to listen to my gut.

This is manifest for me in an appointment I once made many years ago on a recruitment panel where we were desperate for an experienced Senior Nurse and he arrived. Everything about his experience, his qualiicatoins, his approach was just right- and yet something wasn't for me. We ended up dismissing him 4 months into his appointment because he threatened an elderly resident with a knife and locked a severly autistic young woman in her room when her biggest fear was of not being able to get out of a confined space alive. He was struck off of the nursing register thank fully as a result. The system worked, but the recruitment process and my colleagues and I felt we had failed those 2 vulnerable people who frankly had experienced enough system failure.

More recently, I started to develop some coaching work with a well respected chap in the industry who has a positive europe wide reputation. Now, the telephone exchanges and e mail exchanges were fine and the work was interesting and innovative. When I met him in Poland, things felt different. There was just something about the way he behaved, about how he talked about the project. I couldn't put my finger on it, but in my gut I knew something wasn't right. I'm still waiting for him to pay the several thousands he owes me for development work 4 months later.He has no product and no one to deliver it and I have wasted around 5 days of my time.

Then, there are so many positive things that I've experienced as a result of listening to my gut. I've met some of my best friends and life collaborators by meeting them in a group and in an instant thinking " I'd like to get to know you better, lovely, warm, intelligent person you." I met the business partners I've had/have in quite different contexts and yet knew we would do something joint one day. I've won contracts that have never even gone to tender because when I met the relevant director by chance, they knew and I knew there was no point in them meeting someone else , we were going to make it happen. I've spotted people waiting for trains and planes who I have just known would strike up a conversation before the end of the journey and it would lead somewhere.

So, if you were listening to your gut today - what is it telling you?     

Are you really listening or are you dismissing it as "a bit of daft woo woo ?" You know it to be true don't you?- your inner voice of knowing, rather than your chatter in your head trying to rationalise it all. Don't you? Lynn has a blog called the Gut Trusters blog- I love that.

See you later Gut Trusters.

Marie x

These lovely people were up for making a change- are you?

As you know, I've been immersion learning the options method and wow is it powerful !!!!!!

These are the kind of results people are getting after one session!

"After just one session with Marie I feel like a lioness of courage. She is gentle but assured, in tune yet not in your face, and quite simply a magnificent coach who you'd be daft not to give a whirl for at least one session! She'll help you break the balls of any limited beliefs for sure! She rocks! "   Carrie Eddins of   Chocolate Rehab

"Marie took me through this exercise a few days ago and since then I have found a renewed enthusiasm in pursuing my goals without thought of any limiting belief that might have been stopping me before. Thanks to Marie, I am definitely feeling more empowered, with this excellent exercise and knowing how to use it for myself I will have no hesitation in recommending Marie to take this out to all her clients who might be seeking help with limiting beliefs and I shall be delighted in turn to share it with my own clients.Thank you Marie for this wonderful technique." : Bianca Tait.

May the magic continue! If you could use a little magic, feel you are being held back in your life and would like to learn how this technique might help you. Give me a call..............

Marie x

Who do you believe yourself to be? What limits your self belief?

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.

If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing,

it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it.

On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it,

I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it

even if I may not have it in the beginning.

Mahatma Gandhi

I am LOVING the coaching work I am doing using the options method that I learnt at Supercoach Academy in New York a couple of weeks ago. Clients are getting some great insights and great breakthroughs about the fact that we, (that includes you) can CHOOSE to believe a different thing. The beliefs that limit you are just that. They're not real. Their often acquired through someone else's actions or opinions and even if they never meant their words and actions to hurt you, you believed them and have hung on to them to a point where they're no longer useful. I'm of the school of thought that says if anything in life isn't serving you well- take a look.

Contact me if you want to find out more about my coaching work in this area.It even works with self doubting management teams!!!

Marie x

Are you thinking the impossible today?

One can’t believe impossible things…” said Alice.

  I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen.

“Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

I like quotes by Lewis Carroll -sometimes they just hit the spot.I am practising thinking big today and I'm realising that the only thing that stops me achieving big are my own limiting beliefs about myself or those around me. We fail to think big through fear I think of what others might think, might say, might feel, or because we are fearing failure or maybe even fearing success. At the last SUPERCOACH academy weekend with Michael Neil we worked with Mandy Evans . Now aside from being a firecracker of energy and kindness, Mandy Evans has just given me the key to unlock a whole load of stuff that I have discounted or struggled with in NLP and in particular Meta Models around Limiting beliefs.

Quite simply, the options method gets to "stuff" with simple questions and a simple structure, easily.Those of you who have worked with me in a coaching or facilitation context know that I don't like long drawn out processes.I like to get to the juice fast and deal with it. The coaching process can take as little as 15 minutes and of course longer using this method.Essentially, it's designed to work with feelings that limit us.That stop you from getting in your way because you think what you want is unachievable, impossible even.

" I can't say that because my husband/wife would hate me for it"

" I am angry that x always gets what they want from the boss every time the ask"

" I am P***ed off because I can't hold a relationship down with a woman/man"

" I feel guilty about not spending time with my parents, kids, brother, sister, friend"

" I feel sad because I keep losing the things that I want in life"

" I can't push myself forward at work and get what I want"

" My happiness is dependant on everyone else in my house. I have no choices"

and so on...

It's an approach that helps to shift thinking and I like that. I also find that if coaching clients can go and do something.If they can take new actions as a result of working with me it tends to result in a desired change. In using this approach over the last few days with some coaching buddies and clients they have all defined a new action, a new way of being for themselves. 

I am an immersion learner- I learn to do something really well by doing lots of practice all at once.I need to keep using this method to get it in the muscle so that it trips out of my mouth without my having to think about the words.

So here's the deal, In the next 2 weeks I am offering 7 one hour telephone coaching sessions for 7 people to work with me using this method for FREE.

This is an opportunity for;

• Any of you that think that you can't afford to be coached by me.
• Those of you who have wanted to experience coaching on an area of life where you think you "can't"
• You to make a change if you think you are holding yourself back in some area of life

Is it Absolutely free? Well no- you have to pay for the cost of the telephone call unless you use Skype or have free calls Please note I am London based.

Are you going to try and sell me anything?- more sessions, your book , your e course, anything- No  

So, this offer is open to the first 7 people who e mail me at marie@marietaylorconsulting.com. Just put the following in the subject line.

I'd like to change a belief I have that is getting in my way-Free session    

Think the impossible- you might just make a change in your thinking for free and free up your thinking at the same time !

Marie x

Don't these slackers realise their jobs are at risk in Recession?

Last time, I wrote about how managerial behaviour can sometimes cause ineffective methods of working and unrealistic expectations of "presentism" in staff.There are two sides to every workplace and many of you may have been wondering "Where HAS she been I am a manager or a colleague in an organisation where in recession staff are willing to do even
less!Where my colleagues are becoming stubborn, difficult, lazy (insert whatever negative adjective you want here) and some people are a pain in the proverbial. 

I know.

This is not the first recession I have seen. What feels different and what seems to change each time is the discontent experienced through staff attitude and the response of those who are not affected by redundancy. Those that are either left behind in organisations or are terrified that they will be expected to carry out more work because colleagues have left.So what actually happens is that staff can become less effective. Some of this is a a lack of motivation and some it is subtle (and sometimes not so subtle)sabotage.

So imagine you have someone who is less than motivated, they feel that they are likely to inherit more work,they're worried about their job, their partners job or the economic cost of life in general and no wonder they start- acting up. yes, just like small children do.Employees start sticking their heels in. This can manifest itself in lots of ways. In, not wanting to implement change,in actively creating problems by working slower, by spending more time on tasks they like rather than tasks that need to be done to deliver what the organisation needs. People start doing lots of doing to look busy when this may not be what makes the difference to the organisation being successful).

Disciplinaries increase generally during recession because organisations will start to increase their focus on effectiveness, mediation activity increases a bit as organisations seek to resolve complex issues between staff and management.Those actions and behaviours that were just about tolerable pre- recession become a noticeable problem .

But this isn't the whole story. they also increase because of the direct actions of individual staff. When someone feels threatened there is a tendency to get ready for an argument, to get defensive or get more anxious. In this process of "getting ready", people start to display unacceptable behaviours,start working less and not delivering and begin to articulate and identify any and every historical problem they have had with the organisation. ( It's a bit like a marriage on the brink of a potential divorce).

Grievance activity increases and people generally become disaffected.
Left unchecked, this can have a ripple effect amongst other staff creating either similar dissatisfaction or resulting in staff feeling that their colleagues are "getting away with it".

Managers can get a little slap happy with the disciplinaries, more experienced managers overturn their decisions on appeal as wrong decisions or poor process, either because the original manager hasn't listened to good HR advice or because the HR advice is poor.This makes for at least one or two other disaffected staff in the form of managers and HR people. Is anyone reading this blog post exhausted yet ? Either by the sheer ridiculousness of it all or by the various chains of disastrous and unfortunate events.

So what is to be done - ? It's quite easy really;

As managers, learn to say the things you find it hard to say and handle those difficult behaviours head on and EARLY ( no festering of tricky issues left un-tackled allowed) by giving good feedback and explaining why someone needs to contribute or behave differently.If you need to take management action- keep it focused and fair.

As staff,remember the reason you go to work is to satisfy a want. It is different for different people and for most it relates to enjoyment of money, job content, opportunities for development, identity with the organisation's cause, convenience in terms of location.Whatever the reason you want to work or choose to work where you do ( because YOU DO CHOOSE) remember it, and decide to make it as pleasurable an experience as possible .  Be happy where you work or.. be happy somewhere else.

Some people don't have a choice- most do. Many behave like they don't because frankly it's easier to be angry and disaffected than take responsibility sometimes, particularly in recession.

Wherever you are you choose your own behaviour and attitude- Your job- choose well.

marie x

Confessions of a workplace Hun?

The CIPD reported in their most recent workplace climate survey that UK workers reported a slight increase in satisfaction between their home life and work life.It seems that organisations are more active in helping staff to achieve this and that the older staff get, the more satisfied they are with the balance of work and home.

I wonder if this is because of a change of expectations, or if those over 35 have truly experienced a difference in working time in the last decade or so? Regulation has pushed ( often pulled and dragged kicking and screaming) employers this way with legislation on working time, flexible working, family friendly initiatives and the like. It's interesting though that younger workers ( 18-24 year olds) are less likely to agree that they achieve work-life balance (only 43% agree that they do). Now, this could be for a variety of reasons couldn't it . I know employers who take the view that younger people just don't have the same view of work these days and are not prepared to "work hard" . (For "hard" read "long"). I also know many people under 25 who work really long hours as they are establishing their careers. They believe that they are required to do this to get noticed and for many of them in some professions, they're right.

Some managers and organisational cultures see those who leave by 6pm and arrive after 7 am as "lightweight". I've seen this across all sectors in the oganisations I work with -  private companies, publicly listed companies, voluntary organisations, public sector organisations and even small partnerships.

Work presence as a measure of efficiency and effectiveness is A MYTH.- ask any honest HR professional. Now, it's a fact that on occasion, for a job to get delivered, a contract to get fulfilled or a key deadline met there is a need, for business reasons for staff to work their socks off-for a period of time. It becomes unhealthy when this expectation is maintained continuously when the crisis has passed. For me, having observed this in organisations for 25 years, it's a sign of 2 things. Poor planning and poor management . It's that simple. the ONLY reason people need to work excessive hours in organisations beyond those they choose is because people cannot plan their time, cannot identify clearly and pro-actively what they expect of staff, underestimate the time taken to deliver something or because management are either workaholics, control freaks or disorganised. I can say this because I have observed it in organisations and through my coaching clients in the UK  and the US .I have also experienced this myself. I am a reformed managerial control freak and workaholic.

There, I've said it.I apologize to all those staff I previously managed in organisational life who came to work in the mornings thinking "how the bleep did she find enough hours to send me this lot since I left last night", or "why didn't she know I had to stand in for her at short notice and why am I now having an unplanned overnight in the middle of somewhere the back of beyond a 400 mile drive away?" or "why as the finance manager supporting her team am I burning midnight oil doing spreadsheets to get her financial plan in on time tomorrow when I have tried to meet her every day for the last fortnight? " I could go on.-Regrettably.You may recognise this in yourself or in those who manage your working time.

I know that organisational and personal effectiveness at work is derived from planning time, focusing on what's truly important, managing expectations, being honest about what can be achieved and to what standard, and encouraging people to deliver within their capability, extending their capability and to have a life outside of work. Therein lies satisfaction for all.

Work-life balance rules and whilst I know there are many people who in the midst of recession, feel they would give anything for a job right now, those in jobs with influence over the working lives of others give a thought for those you are responsible for or at least pay a bit more attention.

I'm not advocating that staff have no responsibility here. They do- plenty. Keep reading for more about the role of staff and peculiar happenings I'm seeing at the moment, next time...

Marie x

Are you Tired?

I have been shattered in the last week and have actively been catching up on sleep . I've been surprised by how much I can sleep (10 hours a time on one occasion and 13 hours intermittent sleep on another). If I carry on like this, I reckon I could be tipped in the veteran category (for veteran read high class vintage) to win an olympic gold medal for sleep. I know I am someone who doesn't deal with sleep deprivation over a long period so I am feeling that I am catching up and that's good. I also know that in the UK the absence of sun and vitamin D has an effect on many of us making a number of us winter weary. We know it's transitory though don't we? We are hibernating mammals who are subject to seasonal behaviours and so often we try and fight it. This got me thinking about how we deal with challenges that we ignore or don't give into for a while. About how we sometimes think we're going forwards when in fact, where not. When what we really need is to stop and re evaluate what our olympic challenge might be.     

Speaking of veteran Olympiads, I have a very good friend who is training to enter. She is in her 30s, never competed professionally and is training at the moment through running -flat and at altitude. Now, with some of my friends I would encourage them a bit and think, s/he will come and meet reality soon.

However, I really do have faith that my friend V will succeed and do it. She is a determined, competent multi- talented all rounder and rarely fails at anything. She's one of those people that once she decides something,she's committed to it and to giving of her very best. (She doesn't "try" she "does"). Her desire to do this came after a bit of a personal challenge and after a period of feeling weary/tired. Now, I am not going to start training for the Olympics, but I know I am revving up for something that lies ahead.

I've been thinking about a number of my coaching clients this week who have experienced huge personal success following a downtime period, or a challenge of some kind. For most of them I can only describe their success at these times as exponential.I know quite a few people who are experiencing significant challenges at the moment ,or are emerging from them No oubt they will all deal with them in a way that is right for them.

So, my questions for you this week are; Would you describe yourself as "in a challenge" or "in a period of emerging success" What are you on the brink of? Where and what is your olympic sport? Whether it is in the challenge end or the emerging success end of this spectrum- You deserve a medal.Get ready to get on your personal podium. 

Marie x     

Why do mother's serve in the army?

I have always been intrigued by people who serve in the forces and women in particular. I have a mixture of feelings; immense gratitude that people are prepared to serve their country and serve people like me who live in it, sadness that we need soldiers, airmen/women, sailors etc to defend us and our lands in the first place, frustration at the wars we create and place people into and the sheer cruelty of it all. Yet, I feel enormous pride at the sacrifices people who serve and their families make day in and day out "looking after" our interests- something I think about too little and take for granted too much.

So I was intrigued to read  this article in the New york Times about a female reserve who served her 8 years in the army. In it, Catherine Ross talks about her work in Iraq, about wanting to be a hero and living for the possibility of being one. At a fundamental level it's a story about identity, about a label of "being" of having an identifiable, respected role as a female soldier.She talks about the fact that for her, her honorable discharge means that she now fears "being merely mummy" to her 3 year old.

Whilst being a mummy is a great and often under -rated profession in itself, I hear many women through coaching talk about their fear of "just being a mummy" when they are contemplating returning to work after having children, or when their job is under threat.It's an understandable fear to me,  but so often they say it in hushed tones as though expressing this opinion is not acceptable. Given the recent article in the Economist on 50 years of increasing presence of women in the workforce surely we need to take a little courage from people like Catherine Ross and all those women who over the last 5 decades have changed the complexion of work? It's okay to want motherhood, and to be a heroine too isn't it?

Women now make up almost half of the workforce in the United States, where they are in the majority as far as professional workers are concerned. (They have one of the least favourable provisions in the western world for maternity-what does that tell us? ) This increasing visibility of women in the workforce is predicted to continue . Despite this, women STILL earn less than men in similar roles ( wake up HR people you need to do more persuading and evidence providing here before you lose them! ) and many companies and public organisations are failing to respond to demands from women to restructure careers and career pathways.Why couldn't Catherine Ross continue to serve and live her own version of a heroic working life?

I think these organisations need to wake up and catch up don't you? There are lots of women out there whose key driver is to be a heroine of sorts and it seems that in many cases they are determined and likely to succeed irrespective of their organisations.

If you are a Forces spouse follow me on Twitter  .I want to do something for the forces this year and am working on developing links with MOD wife to identify what would be useful to you.    

Feel your rear and digest that biscuit anyway.

I had a fat day yesterday. You know those days when everything feels tight ? You know it's not going to last and everything will feel like it fits tomorrow but it makes you miserable?

Then my neighbour called around for a cuppa and brought a vanilla slice with her  (custard slice for you southerners) as she knows they are my sweetie weakness and she wanted to give me a treat. But on a fat day !! ???

Anyway, I could not resist; great family baker near my house . So,I ate it and then felt guilty AND fat so the guilt outweighed the pleasure. Then, later in the evening, I thought "in for a penny in for a pound. I'll just finish off that Bailey's Irish cream in the Fridge and get rid of the bottle in the recycling." Then when I had finished the berating self talk ( I am not sure I even LIKE the Irish Cream ) I sat up finishing some work for a client with a packet of Digestives and a large pot of tea. Now I do like Digestives, but if the packet hadn't been opened by my niece on Saturday, I wouldn't have touched them. You see , it's the temptation of things I don't need and often don't really want. And it got me thinking.. about patterns of behaviour. ....

I see this pattern a lot in individual clients and organisational clients.It goes like this.

I don't like x situation (being thin/fat/under confident/underpaid/overworked/required to change etc)

I will do something to rebel against the situation when an opportunity presents itself ( not eat/eat/withdraw or shout/steal a pen from the stationery cupboard/take a sickie/fail to provide necessary or accurate information ).

When the situation is made worse by my actions I will do something else to sabotage and make it even worse for myself or the organisation (eat even less./more, shout more/take more stationery/ progress one day sickies to whole weeks/ deliberately
provide false information .... )

When I stop and think about it later I will find someone else to blame at least in part for my actions (if only s/he hadn't... opened the biscuits/called me fat or skinny/ over ordered pens so the stationery cupboard became messy/ pee'd me off and overloaded me so that I had to take a day or three off/ threatened me with a job change so I had to try and stop the organisation succeeding...)  

Y'see, it's the temptation of acts of rebellion..

It's happening to people all day every day-it's normal, if not always helpful. The trick is to know what the safe levels of temptation are for you, your organisation and for others. When our actions affect others besides ourselves, it becomes problematic leading to a lot of things starting with D. Discord , disloyalty, divorce, disciplinary, dismissals, detention, and sometimes even death.

So, it's worth reflecting on for five minutes:Where are you rebelling at the moment?

What does your pattern of rebellion have to teach you?

  

Marie's HANDBOOK FOR LIVING IN 2010

 
I am not doing specific resolutions because I realise that I decide to change things, improve things and stop/start things all of the time. So instead,allow me to share some ideas for living which I have adapted from an email that nice Vanessa Glover sent me last week. Whatever you do and become in 2010-Enjoy...

Marie's rules for health and enjoyment in life:

Drink plenty of water and get into water at least once a day-It's an energy source.
 
Breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess and dinner like a  supermodel getting ready for a photoshoot tomorrow.

Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured and placed in plastic. 

Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

Make time to pray or meditate.

Sit in silence and empty that head for at least 5-10 minutes each day.

Play more games, swing on swings in the park and find things to laugh at.

Read more books than in 2009 .

Sleep for 8 hours in every 24.

Dream more whilst awake

Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Avoid negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

Don't over do it (whatever it is -excess is rarely helpful or sustainable). Know  your limits.

Don't take yourself so seriously. (No one else does).

Don't waste your precious mind and mouth energy on gossip. Both can be put to far more positive use.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.What you might WANT is a possible additonal, but often unneccesary, bonus

Forget issues of the past. Don't remind people of their past mistakes- What's the point? 

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Love them or let them go.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum , lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

Smile and laugh more each day.( It's good for your wrinkles and wellbeing)

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...or you could just decide to just stop the debate.
 
Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 16 to understand their world.Remember you have been there and are heading there.

What other people think of you is none of your business unless it affects your business. Leave them in their own

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

Do the right thing (you always know what it is- just take time to ask)
 
All things heal given time....Remember, however good or bad a situation is, it will change.

No matter how you feel, get up,get your slap on (if you wear it),  dress up and show up.

The best is always yet to come..
 
Last but not least:

CARE- about you, them and what's important. 

Here endeth the first lesson of 2010 ( I'll let you know how I get on)

Marie x